Player Profile: London Fletcher

Vitals:
Gender: Male
Age: Unknown
Height: 5'10
Weight: 245
Weight (With Members of Opposing Offenses Attached to Business end of Shoe): ~464
Weight (While Helping Orphaned Children Fly Like "Superman" to Slam Dunk a Basketball): ~301

Classification:

Specimen is most widely known as the Middle Linebacker for the Washington Redskins (see: freedom, justice, truth). However, he is also known by several other aliases, including Professor Courage and Sir London: The Steadfast and Resolute.

Recent History:
After scoring 900 on an IQ test, Fletcher traveled to England where he rescued 78 victims from a burning ICU at The Mid Yorkshire Hospital. He was then knighted by Queen Elizabeth II as Sir London (see: aliases). Later that day, after swimming back to The US and being bitten in the ribs by several sharks, Fletcher led the Washington Redskins in tackles, sacks, forced fumbles, passes defended, quarterback scares*, interceptions, touchdowns, rival mascots lit on fire with a flaming arrow*, and creative yet legal touchdown celebrations against the hated division rival Philadelphia Eagles.

Other:
Fletcher is completely impervious to pain and has a moral code which is higher than yours and cannot be broken. His autobiography, Silentium (Eagle Publishing; Washington, DC), consists of 267 blank pages because it is not yet possible to translate his thoughts into the words of man. Sculptures and statues built in his likeness that are centuries old are scattered throughout most of civilized Earth.


*Not officially recognized NFL statistics*

--Brandon