Redskins v. Patriots: Thom Brady and His Struggles with Orakpophobia

Well, it's game time, and as is our custom (occasionally, any way) at GRGGD, we will be posting a collection of thoughts before, during, and after the game.

- Orakpophobia: A Real Disease Affecting Real People.
- Oh look at me. My name's Tom Brady. I have skinny legs.
- When you kick or punt the ball from Fed Ex Field, the ball never hits a TV screen. Never.
- One(1) series into it, and this game looks like it has the makings of GO REDSKINS!
- CANDLE?! It's Campbell. Jason Campbell. Official Prediction: 26 Touchdowns. 14 Ints. 3400 Yards. Completion % = 63. You Heard it here first. (You may have actually heard that here first)
- Malcolm Kelly has the forearms of Lex Luger (it's a stiff arm reference)
- Mr. Referee man: I'm not a football rules expert (read: law dog), but I think that the team in possession of the football is typically the one labeled "offense."
- This just in from Phil Simms: "The quarterback is supposed to throw the ball downfield." Who knew? So does this mean that the team that scores more points than the other team have a good chance of winning the game too?
- Ducat's fireman outfit has a removable axe. That literally enhances the cuteness by at least 4 pts.
- Guy on Patriots: "Oh boy oh boy, I'm going to catch this punt"
Justin Tryon: "I beg to differ, sir. Go Redskins!"
Guy on Patriots Who Recovers Fumble: "Oh SHIT! Mike Sellers is coming after me! Time to flop."
- The Patriots should go back to the Pawtucket Pat, or whatever it was helmet. That thing was much better than the current helmet. It makes the Patriots more likable.
- New Book Idea: "Horton hears a FUCK YOU FRED TAYLOR!!" By Dr. Seuss.
- Dear Phil Simms, Why do only NFC East teams need good tackling safeties?
- We've never seen an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty come from the bench. Wow.
- Santana Moss' Ballin' Ass Catchometer: 2
- Santana Moss' Ballin' Ass Dropometer: 1
- Tom Brady : Samuel L. Jackson :: Andre Carter : That Shark That Ate Samuel L. Jackson in Deep Blue Sea
- Count that, Standardized Testing
- If Marko Mitchell does not make this team, F U Vinny Cerrato. Seriously. That was an amazing downfield block.
- Sebastion Vollmer (#76 OL Patriots) and Jason Campbell (#17 QB Redskins) were apparently separated at birth. (Look at the screen shots)
- Redskins Tied with Patriots (cheaters) at the half. We go to the (a) bar now. More (maybe) when we get back.


-Brandon, Walker, and Jesse

New Feature at GRGGD

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "I'd love to receive an up to the MINUTE update every time somebody from GRGGD blows my mind up with some truth." Well, ask and ye shall receive. If you'll set your eyes to "peep" and direct them to the right of your computer screen (assuming your computer screen is currently displaying your internet browser, which is set to http://goredskinsgogoddammit.blogspot.com, which is also scrolled up to the very top of that URL, of course) you will see that you now have that option. It's very simple. Here is an eight(8) step process:

1. Enter your electronic mail (email) address into the box that says "Enter your email address" and click on the subscribe button.
2. You will see a picture of a series of letters and/or numbers. Type in those letters/numbers.
3. You will receive an email asking you to click on a hyperlink (link) to verify your subscription.
4. Click on the link in the aforementioned step.
5. Wait.
6. Continue waiting (we are pretty bad at updating here).
7. Eventually, you will receive an email that informs you that we have made a new posting here at GRGGD.
8. Hope with all of your heart that one of us isn't strapped for cash and was forced to sell your email address to spammers and/or the Yakuza.

See, easy enough right? It's called "convenience" and we've just given you a little taste of it. Enjoy!

-Brandon

Eagles Sign Michael Vick; City Wide Animal Torture Ban Lifted

Hot off of the news press, Philadelphia signs Vick to a 2 year contract. No other terms have been released. Check back for more updates as they come (at another blog that actually posts on a regular basis).

-Brandon + Walker

Redskins v. Ravens - Prix Season Weak Won

That title was spell checked by Ravens Coach John "Ham-head" Harbaugh. In celebration of there finally being some sweet, delicious, Redskins football on the TV, here are a collection of thoughts:

- Thank goodness we didn't draft Michael Oher, he has weak forehead skin.
- Are the refs on preseason too? Why are no penalties getting called? Are there referee drafts, and these are like the 3rd stringers trying to earn a ref roster spot?
- Laddell Betts's Jersey for some reason says "Bettis." How many levels of supervision did that pass through?
- Steph is glad that the Redskins uniforms are not the Ravens uniforms. I concur.
- That being said, we're making every observation Joe Theismann makes, but like 5 minutes before. We think this means that we are better than Joe Theismann at being football color men. Also, we are better than him at not having our careers ended by having our thigh bones broken in half by Lawrence Taylor. We've never even met Lawrence Taylor.
- The First Ladies of Football are much cuter than the Ravens Cheerleaders. Also, they don't have criminal records and they don't support murderers. That's right, Redskins Cheerleaders don't support murder. You heard it here first.
- Philip Daniels is a seriously, seriously large man
- Although not playing, Carlos Rogers has some amazing earings. They are Redskin gold. I want a pair. Don't you?
- New idea for Ravens Logo: Olde Tyme style picture of a bird wearing a pinstriped jail uniform. He's chained to a large boulder and he's banging on a smaller boulder with a hammer.
- Dear Fred Davis, we actually try to hold on to the ball at this level, son.
- When not jumping out of pools or into truck beds, Keith Eloi actually makes some impressive special teams tackles.
- It's a pretty typical Redskins game. Bend, but don't break defense, and an offense that can't keep up with the other team only scoring field goals.
- Normally, we get optimistic during preseason, then are disappointed. So far this year, we start out disappointed with preseason. It can only go up from here.
- We wanted to be pumped about this game. But preseason week one...it's just not happening.

You heard part of it here first, but the other part you heard about elsewhere and then read here at a later time,

-Brandon + Walker