Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Monday, October 26, 2009
Redskins v. Eagles: It's Monday Night
First Half Thoughts:
-The Redskins have set an NFL Record for the number of people named Sherman involved in play calling. Great job guys!
-This unprecedented number of Shermans use their "Sherman Chart" to cast wizardry spells and debuffs on opposing teams
-Yards of Empty Field Surrounding Randle El When He Calls for Fair Catch (YEFSREWHCFFC) Meter:
Punt #1: 10 Yards
Punt #2: 7 Yards...but the closest defender is getting blocked. And Randle El Fell down when he caught it
Punt #3: Well...I guess you can't call for fair catch when the ball hits you in the face
-Andy Reid looks like a man whose main goal in life is to consume as much food as he possibly can in a single sitting
-#50 on the Eagles Defense needed oxygen after intercepting a pass and returning it 9 yards for a touchdown (Go Redskins!). It must be the altitude here at a towering 71 feet above sea level in Landover, MD.
-Devin Thomas: The Poor Man's Brandon Lloyd
-#50 just forced a fumble. Better hook him up to a defibrillator
-Cooley getting carted off of the field is about the absolute worst thing that can happen to this team, short of...well...actually I can't think of anything worse. Short of Vinny Cerrato not getting swine flu?
-Jon Gruden: "Good play selection there!" ---Please, Jon, stop trying to get a job next year
-Well, we're into the 2nd quarter, and the Redskins are at least winning the turnover battle. We've given it away twice, The Eagles none.
-Half time in the Eagles locker room must be less about making in game adjustments and more about Andy Reid eating a buffet table full of food
-Touchdown Devin Thomas! Congrats Devin, you've now been upgraded to The Poor Man's Todd Pinkston
-Score one more turnover for the Redskins! We now are winning the battle 3 - 0.
-Jason Campbell's Amazon Wish List: One(1) Pair of Rick Vaughan Horn-Rimmed Glasses ala "Major League"
-People from the movie "Necessary Roughness" that would help the Redskins right now:
Kathy Ireland - Punter
Manumana - O Line (not necessarily center)
-#50 (note the trend) just fully tackled Betts out of bounds. It was said that there was no foul because he had his hands on Betts while he was in bounds. I guess that's the rule. Good thing he didn't have a shotgun on his person while in bounds. That could have been ugly.
-People from "The Golden Girls" that would help the Redskins right now:
Blanch
Rose
Dorothy
-All three should at the very least provide some new looks for opposing defenses to look at. How about it Dan Snyder?
-27 - 10 at the half. Literally the worst half we've played against the Eagles in 29 years.
Go Redskins,
Brandon, Walker, Jesse, and TJ
-The Redskins have set an NFL Record for the number of people named Sherman involved in play calling. Great job guys!
-This unprecedented number of Shermans use their "Sherman Chart" to cast wizardry spells and debuffs on opposing teams
-Yards of Empty Field Surrounding Randle El When He Calls for Fair Catch (YEFSREWHCFFC) Meter:
Punt #1: 10 Yards
Punt #2: 7 Yards...but the closest defender is getting blocked. And Randle El Fell down when he caught it
Punt #3: Well...I guess you can't call for fair catch when the ball hits you in the face
-Andy Reid looks like a man whose main goal in life is to consume as much food as he possibly can in a single sitting
-#50 on the Eagles Defense needed oxygen after intercepting a pass and returning it 9 yards for a touchdown (Go Redskins!). It must be the altitude here at a towering 71 feet above sea level in Landover, MD.
-Devin Thomas: The Poor Man's Brandon Lloyd
-#50 just forced a fumble. Better hook him up to a defibrillator
-Cooley getting carted off of the field is about the absolute worst thing that can happen to this team, short of...well...actually I can't think of anything worse. Short of Vinny Cerrato not getting swine flu?
-Jon Gruden: "Good play selection there!" ---Please, Jon, stop trying to get a job next year
-Well, we're into the 2nd quarter, and the Redskins are at least winning the turnover battle. We've given it away twice, The Eagles none.
-Half time in the Eagles locker room must be less about making in game adjustments and more about Andy Reid eating a buffet table full of food
-Touchdown Devin Thomas! Congrats Devin, you've now been upgraded to The Poor Man's Todd Pinkston
-Score one more turnover for the Redskins! We now are winning the battle 3 - 0.
-Jason Campbell's Amazon Wish List: One(1) Pair of Rick Vaughan Horn-Rimmed Glasses ala "Major League"
-People from the movie "Necessary Roughness" that would help the Redskins right now:
Kathy Ireland - Punter
Manumana - O Line (not necessarily center)
-#50 (note the trend) just fully tackled Betts out of bounds. It was said that there was no foul because he had his hands on Betts while he was in bounds. I guess that's the rule. Good thing he didn't have a shotgun on his person while in bounds. That could have been ugly.
-People from "The Golden Girls" that would help the Redskins right now:
Blanch
Rose
Dorothy
-All three should at the very least provide some new looks for opposing defenses to look at. How about it Dan Snyder?
-27 - 10 at the half. Literally the worst half we've played against the Eagles in 29 years.
Go Redskins,
Brandon, Walker, Jesse, and TJ
Monday, October 19, 2009
Dubious Solution to a Problem: Sherman Lewis to Call Offensive Plays for the Redskins
And heeeerrrreeee come the pretzels.
In a move that surprised absolutely no one, Jim Zorn was "relinquished" of his play calling duties in order to allow him to focus on other aspects of being a head coach such as not wasting time outs and looking beat, broken, and impotent during press conferences.
This is a text book example of how to run a football team and save your season. Get out your pens and paper and get ready to learn.
Problem: Your Head Coach (who until you hired him had never called plays in the NFL) is doing an awful job at calling plays. The offense is failing at every aspect of the game and is among the worst in the NFL.
Solution: Give play calling duties to a 67 year old man who was announcing bingo numbers in a retirement home two(2) weeks ago. He has been retired from football for five(5) years, he's only been with your team for about ten(10) days, and he too has never called offensive plays.
There's your lesson, go enjoy it.
You Heard it Here First,
-Brandon
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Sunday, October 11, 2009
How to fix the Redskins
Okay, okay. The Redskins are not a good football team right now. In fact, they are a terrible football team. They are like a chipmunk with a disease; they started out kind of cute but with each passing week they wither further and further away so that their fur is splotchy and they don't have the strength to stand up on their own and so they have no way of getting food and then they keep getting weaker and everyone in the forest just starts to feel sorry for them. Yes. The Redskins are exactly like that.
On a quick side note, isn't it adorable when chipmunks store food in their cheeks?
But back to the matter at hand, every level of the organization is in shambles right now. It's Overseer Snyder bringing in an offensive "consultant" (read: future interim head coach) four(4) weeks into the season without asking his head coach about it. It's that very head coach wasting time outs and calling for a hook and ladder as our last ditch effort when we need to go 40 yards and our quarterback can easily throw the ball 65 yards. It's also that head coach losing to a the worst team in the history of the NFL, and having the nerve during his post game press conference to say "We're getting better." At what? Making other teams feel good about themselves? Giving the media someone to make fun of? It's a front office that flat out REFUSES to draft young, able, offensive linemen; so that we'd be better off lining up a turnstile in front of the defense. It's MeAngelo Fall getting stutter stepped and then dragged by Jake Delhomme for a first down. Read that again so that it sinks in. God Damn Jake Delhomme dragged a Redskins defender several yards for a first down today that sealed the game. In regards to the bet with TJ, I don't even want to think about how that effects the score. The "skunk rule" may be starting to apply.
However, GRGGD is not a whining and complaining blog. We offer solutions. We deliver results. We ride the future train straight to the moon and come back with riches and technologies that change lives. I'm not entirely sure what that last sentence means. Either way, here is the one(1) step solution to fix the state of The Redskins:
HIRE PROFESSOR CHARLES XAVIER
I'm thinking a Bill Parcells in Miami kind of role. Doesn't need to be on the field per say. Just needs to be in charge of making the team not an embarrassment. Let's have a quick look of some of his credentials:
1. He's a smart dude. No two ways about it. Professor X is smarter than you, me, and anyone else currently associated with football.
2. He's a proven leader. He started a school for the gifted and leads them on all sorts of green peace type missions. He's a real humanitarian.
3. Oh, right. He can friggin control everyone's thoughts. He can make entire other team believe they are in the girl scouts selling cookies, and that touching the football will give them a VD.
4. He already knows some talent that could declare eligibility in the draft and get picked up on the cheap.
He could also use his mind powers to make our team realize that they are supposed to be good. Also, we all know Daniel Snyder likes to make a splash. It doesn't get much splashier than a level 4 paraplegic mutant with a hover wheel chair. Prof. X is the missing link. He is what separates this team from greatness. Hire him.
Change, hope, progress. You heard it here first.
-Brandon
On a quick side note, isn't it adorable when chipmunks store food in their cheeks?
But back to the matter at hand, every level of the organization is in shambles right now. It's Overseer Snyder bringing in an offensive "consultant" (read: future interim head coach) four(4) weeks into the season without asking his head coach about it. It's that very head coach wasting time outs and calling for a hook and ladder as our last ditch effort when we need to go 40 yards and our quarterback can easily throw the ball 65 yards. It's also that head coach losing to a the worst team in the history of the NFL, and having the nerve during his post game press conference to say "We're getting better." At what? Making other teams feel good about themselves? Giving the media someone to make fun of? It's a front office that flat out REFUSES to draft young, able, offensive linemen; so that we'd be better off lining up a turnstile in front of the defense. It's MeAngelo Fall getting stutter stepped and then dragged by Jake Delhomme for a first down. Read that again so that it sinks in. God Damn Jake Delhomme dragged a Redskins defender several yards for a first down today that sealed the game. In regards to the bet with TJ, I don't even want to think about how that effects the score. The "skunk rule" may be starting to apply.
However, GRGGD is not a whining and complaining blog. We offer solutions. We deliver results. We ride the future train straight to the moon and come back with riches and technologies that change lives. I'm not entirely sure what that last sentence means. Either way, here is the one(1) step solution to fix the state of The Redskins:
HIRE PROFESSOR CHARLES XAVIER
I'm thinking a Bill Parcells in Miami kind of role. Doesn't need to be on the field per say. Just needs to be in charge of making the team not an embarrassment. Let's have a quick look of some of his credentials:
1. He's a smart dude. No two ways about it. Professor X is smarter than you, me, and anyone else currently associated with football.
2. He's a proven leader. He started a school for the gifted and leads them on all sorts of green peace type missions. He's a real humanitarian.
3. Oh, right. He can friggin control everyone's thoughts. He can make entire other team believe they are in the girl scouts selling cookies, and that touching the football will give them a VD.
4. He already knows some talent that could declare eligibility in the draft and get picked up on the cheap.
He could also use his mind powers to make our team realize that they are supposed to be good. Also, we all know Daniel Snyder likes to make a splash. It doesn't get much splashier than a level 4 paraplegic mutant with a hover wheel chair. Prof. X is the missing link. He is what separates this team from greatness. Hire him.
Change, hope, progress. You heard it here first.
-Brandon
Sunday, October 4, 2009
The GRGGD TJ vs. Brandon DeAngelo Hall/Fall Bet: Week Four(4)
Today is a good day. It is good because The Skins were able to come out with a win, despite Jason Campbell's best efforts. Also, I finally made up some ground in the bet. D Hall came up with a nice interception including some return yardage today. Also, I don't recall seeing anything completed thrown his way. Carlos Rodgers did a good job evening that out by letting everything get by him; but that's a story for another blog.
D Hall gets awarded 1.5 points in my favor, bringing the score for the season 5 - 2.5, TJ. He only gets 1.5, and not 2, because of his ridiculous celebration after his interception. That cost him half a point for style.
D Hall gets awarded 1.5 points in my favor, bringing the score for the season 5 - 2.5, TJ. He only gets 1.5, and not 2, because of his ridiculous celebration after his interception. That cost him half a point for style.
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