That title was spell checked by Ravens Coach John "Ham-head" Harbaugh. In celebration of there finally being some sweet, delicious, Redskins football on the TV, here are a collection of thoughts:
- Thank goodness we didn't draft Michael Oher, he has weak forehead skin.
- Are the refs on preseason too? Why are no penalties getting called? Are there referee drafts, and these are like the 3rd stringers trying to earn a ref roster spot?
- Laddell Betts's Jersey for some reason says "Bettis." How many levels of supervision did that pass through?
- Steph is glad that the Redskins uniforms are not the Ravens uniforms. I concur.
- That being said, we're making every observation Joe Theismann makes, but like 5 minutes before. We think this means that we are better than Joe Theismann at being football color men. Also, we are better than him at not having our careers ended by having our thigh bones broken in half by Lawrence Taylor. We've never even met Lawrence Taylor.
- The First Ladies of Football are much cuter than the Ravens Cheerleaders. Also, they don't have criminal records and they don't support murderers. That's right, Redskins Cheerleaders don't support murder. You heard it here first.
- Philip Daniels is a seriously, seriously large man
- Although not playing, Carlos Rogers has some amazing earings. They are Redskin gold. I want a pair. Don't you?
- New idea for Ravens Logo: Olde Tyme style picture of a bird wearing a pinstriped jail uniform. He's chained to a large boulder and he's banging on a smaller boulder with a hammer.
- Dear Fred Davis, we actually try to hold on to the ball at this level, son.
- When not jumping out of pools or into truck beds, Keith Eloi actually makes some impressive special teams tackles.
- It's a pretty typical Redskins game. Bend, but don't break defense, and an offense that can't keep up with the other team only scoring field goals.
- Normally, we get optimistic during preseason, then are disappointed. So far this year, we start out disappointed with preseason. It can only go up from here.
- We wanted to be pumped about this game. But preseason week one...it's just not happening.
You heard part of it here first, but the other part you heard about elsewhere and then read here at a later time,
-Brandon + Walker
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Overtime, Schmovertime
By the power of Grayskull, GRGGD was privileged enough to sit in on a conversation between two NFL Rules Committee Members discussing proposed revisions to the NFL's much maligned overtime system:
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: if you're bored, read this
NFLLawDog2: i'm just into the introduction of this proposal
and I LIKE it
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: yeah, seriously. it's not this guy's ideas, he just analyzed them. the silent auction was proposed by an engineer/packers fan (he loves engineers) in 2003 who proposed it to the nfl rules committee, it got some interest, but obvi nothing happened. i think it's genious. like real genious
NFLLawDog2: like the movie?
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: wow, i can't spell
NFLLawDog2: well there is the practical problem (though I haven't finished reading the analysis, so I shouldn't speak) that football is entertainment, primarily
and nobody would be interested in watching a bidding war
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: no. not bidding war.
it's one vote per team. it's quick. decisive.
each coach knows both teams offenses and defenses. they know how the game's been going. it shouldn't be a hard decision for them.
NFLLawDog2: well my real point is this the chance of winning that coin toss is a romantic notion that there is some part of sports that is more than numbers
and when things come down to pure luck, where no one has the power to choose an edge or calculate odds that's drama which is entertaining
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: sure, but it's just completely unfair
NFLLawDog2: absolutely
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: i think this auction thing would be seriously entertaining for reality tv-America. they could have a little text-in vote crap even
NFLLawDog2: i don't think reality tv america is football america
i could be wrong
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: have you watched a football broadcast in the past 5 years?
come on. it's ridiculous
NFLLawDog2: eh true
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: they talk about football players tweets as much as anything now, and where TO is house shopping
NFLLawDog2: THAT'S NOT TRUE! tweeting started after last season. yeah you're right, though
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: what makes the biggest knews? non football stuff
NFLLawDog2: duh
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: anyway, i think there'd be just as much drama
but it would go towards who the moxiest coach is. who's got faith in their team
NFLLawDog2: but I'm talking about maybe for me - there is a sense of "OH SHIT, THIS IS IT!" when the coin is in the air during a playoff game in overtime it is a REALLY cool idea that would absolutely work to make the most deserving team a winner (or a weiner)
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: i think it'd be just the same though, close up view of the coaches walking to the head official. close-up of the envelope being sealed
NFLLawDog2: it's like Name that Tune
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: Holtz's The Planets ALWAYS playing in the background
the broadcasters just losing it talking about who knows what
NFLLawDog2: I would always bid the 1 yard line
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: DUH and that's why you'd go down as an overtime legend
NFLLawDog2: I think the fact would still remain that getting the ball at the 1 in sudden death is better than giving the ball at the 1
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: they'd track coaches’ avg. bid. more stats!
there'd be a probability of winning from each yard line, so many charts!!!
well, after like 50 years, since there's about 2 overtimes a year.
and if there's a tie - then i guess coinflip b/c at that point it is 50-50
both teams were equally willing to take the ball there
NFLLawDog2: and so always bidding the 1 is the right answer. oh man
i would make so many gentleman's agreements
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: so so many agreements
NFLLawDog2: about bidding the same as the other guy
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: always broken
NFLLawDog2: no matter what
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: agree to take it 90 yards from your goal line
but then you bid 89!
field goal!
NFLLawDog2: bam
NFLLawDog2: There's nothing wrong with the college system - innings
they could make it so that instead of starting from the other team's 25
they start from their own 20
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: yeah, you'd have to make it far enough that the kicker's range is a limited factor
NFLLawDog2: exactly
that they actually still have to drive
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: but so it doesn't take too long
what's fair, 2 first downs to be in range? 3 first downs?
NFLLawDog2: well you can make time a factor
each team has to beat the clock too, 2 minute drills so you start at your own 20 with 2 minutes on the clock and 1 timeout
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: and each team is allowed to bring in 1 player from another team who's on a buy-week
NFLLawDog2: a buy-week
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: but they flip a coin to see who goes first. ouch. bye-week
NFLLawDog2: sure they flip a coin to see who goes first
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: chooses player first
NFLLawDog2: just like in college
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: they have arm wrestling to see who gets ball first or defers
NFLLawDog2: there are two players selected by the league before the game
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: round robin arm wrestling tournament
NFLLawDog2: from bye-week teams
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: all the players are mixed up assigned at random to a tournament
NFLLawDog2: and the coaches make money bids on each of them
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: and the winner player's team decides, not the coach though, that player. and yeah, whichever coach wins the most money can override the players decision
NFLLawDog2: um wait, i think we're mixing procedures here
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: and if the coach does override, then the head official makes the tie-breaking vote depending on which team has his favorite color in their uniforms. and he has to make a list at the beginning of the season of his hierarchy of favorite colors, WHICH CANNOT CHANGE until the next offseason assuming it's not a lockout-shortened season
NFLLawDog2: well OBVIOUSLY cannot change. that's simple checks and balances
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: in which case there's no change until the offseason following the next full 16-game season
NFLLawDog2: now the fans are allowed to choose one "Wild-Card" player a season
which means that in one overtime game per season they can choose any player on any team bye week or no and get to use him for free during said overtime session
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: of course, that has to be counterbalanced with the "unwild card"
NFLLawDog2: right
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: whereas every fans at the beginning of the season vote on 1 player from each team who is to be kept out of any overtime session
NFLLawDog2: right good call. Also IF the fans invoke the WCP
they must cheer for the opposing team for the rest of the game
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: but each fan only gets 4 votes to be distributed however they see fit, so long they're distributed over 4 different teams
NFLLawDog2: that's a good rule
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: it's not a good rule. it's a fair rule.
NFLLawDog2: AND, said player MUST play both offense and defense for the team
and special teams, and is not allowed to rest during timeouts/breaks in the game
he must run in place. the theory being that a tired WCP negates to some extent having a WCP on the field at all
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: well certainly, that's why the WCP vote is so crucial, it's not just talent and explosive play making ability, but stamina and conditioning
and again, the deep placement of the ball prevents the WCP from being kickers with the biggest legs
NFLLawDog2: exactly
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: unless a fan values field goal range so much they'd be willing to put a kicker at left guard for an entire series
NFLLawDog2: exactly
it's a trade-off
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: clearly, the opposing team is allowed to choose who the WCP replaces on both sides of the ball
NFLLawDog2: well, given
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: so it all comes down to the most versatile player
NFLLawDog2: now once the opposing team chooses the players to take off the field
they have the option of taking one of those players for themselves but then the pendulum swings and the original team gets to choose who to take off and gets to choose one of those players for themselves and the pendulum swings again
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: i just caution the opposing team against laughing like pigs when they put a kicker at the other team's qb spot, and then a quick-kick on 3rd and short pins them deep, and of course, there's always the option to play a Harry Potter-inspired chess match instead in which the starting offenses and defenses take the board
NFLLawDog2: oh well obviously
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: and coaches move them like pawns, LITERALLY
NFLLawDog2: but, here's the thing - only certain teams will even spend the money to build the chess board and so that option will only be available in certain places
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: well certainly, your bigger market teams are going to have that option first, and that's just a matter of economics, the more savvy owners should get that kind of competitive advantage. all things being equal, this comes down to the respective owners in a match of wits anyway
NFLLawDog2: precisely
eventually, teams will start building coalitions against one another
you could likely see a vikings-giants coalition versus a packers-cowboys coalition
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: well, what is the nfl if it's not a 32-man game of Monopoly, which allows mergers and acquisitions
NFLLawDog2: i haven't the foggiest
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: precisely. so if each team is starting at the 20 with the above provisions, how could the overtime system possibly be unfair to any team, coach, city, or fan?
NFLLawDog2: it can't. small market teams with the ability to reach across to big market players
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: it's called poltics. reaching across the isle
NFLLawDog2: undoubtedly
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: swinging the pendulum
NFLLawDog2: this is NFLUtopia
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: arching the back
NFLLawDog2: teasing the nips
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: well, i'm glad we got that settled so we can finally see Redskins-Bills Round 2
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: the problem [read: solution] of course will come when one of the teams pulls out the little known loophole that the game can be switched to a different sport at the home team's discretion so that overtime may all of a sudden be Capitals-Sabers Superbowl on Ice Round 1
NFLLawDog2: ooh ouch well again it depends on the venue's amenities
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: that's going to require some coordination between leagues, but this is America we're talking about here. this is doable
NFLLawDog2: are you kidding? America is the home of synergy. one hand helping the other. fat cats being fat cats
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: people helping people. and if there can't be more coordination between professional sports than there is today, then we've got a very real, stark problem facing the future of American athletics. stork problem! we MUST include zoos, specifically aviaries in this to get more animal lovers interested in sports. that's what it all boils down to in the end, catering to the tree-hugging animal-loving Humanists
NFLLawDog2: well, maybe we can give PETA a team. we'll be killing 12 or 13 pigs per football now rather than 1 just to appease the anti-PETAs
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: Exactly! That's just the kind of joke PETA will NOT go for. the very reason we must censor what media gets to the PETA team. PETA will have a team, but knowing those snivelling, conniving, Loki-esque tricksters, we'll see 22 African Lions facing the Detroit Lions on opening day
NFLLawDog2: right ... joke
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: one thing we must make clear in the new overtime rules - there cannot be anti-animal testing rallies during the game
NFLLawDog2: well obviously. PETA fans are like DC. they get to watch, but can't actually participate in the voting process so they don't get a WCP
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: yeah, we don't need 4 "no more animal testing" votes
NFLLawDog2: exactly
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: but it's a tradeoff for their not having any species restrictions on their roster
NFLLawDog2: yeah good point
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: if we could go back in time, Henry Clay wouldn't hesitate to put his stamp of approval on this assuming we could sufficiently explain every aspect of football to him in a timely manner without making so much of an impact that we create an alternate timeline where football is a completely different game and a new overtime system must be created, an overtime system conceived in liberty
NFLLawDog2: god you're right
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: we must be careful
NFLLawDog2: the paradox itself is irony
or maybe the irony itself is paradox
or maybe that neither is both or both is neither is something else altogether
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: that reminds me. the butthole steelers will be changed to the butthole ironers and they'll be the league's laundry service
NFLLawDog2: whew
i thought you meant that our time excursion had negated the existence of carbon-infusion
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: and instead of getting to play on Sundays, they can get bad sunburns and have painful skins all season long. no, this will not affect the Bessemer process in any way
NFLLawDog2: thank goodness
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: certain events are destined to happen, regardless of any outside influences. steel processing was one of those. Philip Rivers flying instead of taking his first step was another
NFLLawDog2: well given
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: another caveat to the new system of course would be that the Redskins, Bills, and Chargers automatically win any overtime game they're in
NFLLawDog2: any GAME they're in, of course
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: if it's head to head between any of the 3, it's a "Let's Make a Deal" contest between the 2 complete with Skin-scared Mandel and creepy blacked-out banker guy
NFLLawDog2: with the third being the banker
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: well obviously, but they should be called the Overseer or Watcher
NFLLawDog2: yeah, the Watchseer
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: the Overcher (pronounced Overture), there'd have to be some sort of Rossini or Copeland theme to the overtime, but all in good fun!
NFLLawDog2: of course
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: in the end, Philip Rivers, the Redskins, and the Bills split every Super Bowl until the end of time. the regular season and playoffs are just formalities to keep the Democrats happy
NFLLawDog2: well of course, you gotta keep those DEMS happy
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: recent research suggests that approximately half of football fans are Democrats. that's almost 50% of the fan base. i for one don't think we should be alienating a near majority of spenders, which is what a fair overtime system comes down to - keeping middle America happy and decreasing the gap between Main St and Wall St
NFLLawDog2: when you're right you're right
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: John Wall St. The traitor. The bastard.
NFLLawDog2: he's a CRIMINAL
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: he'll never EVER see the bright beautiful lights of an NFL overtime extravaganza because he'll be in prison, not winning NCAA championships at NCWOLFPACKU
NFLLawDog2: oh man, the DANCERS dancing away the night
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: oh, the dancers. the entertainers. the gambling!
NFLLawDog2: the GAMBLING! oh it will be so beautiful
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: 50 fans will be chosen at random from each team and sent to Vegas. they'll have exactly the same amount of time as the game lasts to gamble as they see fit and the aggregate winnings of each team will be added to the game's final score
NFLLawDog2: correction WE will be sent to Vegas and given all the moneys the NFL has to gamble as we see fit
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: well, you and i clearly will have to be the Master Watchseer Overcher Gamblers, which will allow us to develop our overtime roulette system
but that's to be kept secret from Goodell
NFLLawDog2: he'll be dealt with soon enough
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: we must bury it deep within the rules so that no amount of lawyering will uncover it until it's too late! our gambling will be the very spark plug that gets the league's profits soaring just to stay afloat from our massive gambling losses. it's called incentive. something communists will never understand
that's why there's no NFL is Red China, and why North Korea doesn't have any top draft prospects year in and year out
NFLLawDog2: it’s free real estate.
Change. Progress. Hope. You heard it here first.
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: if you're bored, read this
NFLLawDog2: i'm just into the introduction of this proposal
and I LIKE it
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: yeah, seriously. it's not this guy's ideas, he just analyzed them. the silent auction was proposed by an engineer/packers fan (he loves engineers) in 2003 who proposed it to the nfl rules committee, it got some interest, but obvi nothing happened. i think it's genious. like real genious
NFLLawDog2: like the movie?
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: wow, i can't spell
NFLLawDog2: well there is the practical problem (though I haven't finished reading the analysis, so I shouldn't speak) that football is entertainment, primarily
and nobody would be interested in watching a bidding war
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: no. not bidding war.
it's one vote per team. it's quick. decisive.
each coach knows both teams offenses and defenses. they know how the game's been going. it shouldn't be a hard decision for them.
NFLLawDog2: well my real point is this the chance of winning that coin toss is a romantic notion that there is some part of sports that is more than numbers
and when things come down to pure luck, where no one has the power to choose an edge or calculate odds that's drama which is entertaining
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: sure, but it's just completely unfair
NFLLawDog2: absolutely
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: i think this auction thing would be seriously entertaining for reality tv-America. they could have a little text-in vote crap even
NFLLawDog2: i don't think reality tv america is football america
i could be wrong
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: have you watched a football broadcast in the past 5 years?
come on. it's ridiculous
NFLLawDog2: eh true
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: they talk about football players tweets as much as anything now, and where TO is house shopping
NFLLawDog2: THAT'S NOT TRUE! tweeting started after last season. yeah you're right, though
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: what makes the biggest knews? non football stuff
NFLLawDog2: duh
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: anyway, i think there'd be just as much drama
but it would go towards who the moxiest coach is. who's got faith in their team
NFLLawDog2: but I'm talking about maybe for me - there is a sense of "OH SHIT, THIS IS IT!" when the coin is in the air during a playoff game in overtime it is a REALLY cool idea that would absolutely work to make the most deserving team a winner (or a weiner)
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: i think it'd be just the same though, close up view of the coaches walking to the head official. close-up of the envelope being sealed
NFLLawDog2: it's like Name that Tune
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: Holtz's The Planets ALWAYS playing in the background
the broadcasters just losing it talking about who knows what
NFLLawDog2: I would always bid the 1 yard line
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: DUH and that's why you'd go down as an overtime legend
NFLLawDog2: I think the fact would still remain that getting the ball at the 1 in sudden death is better than giving the ball at the 1
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: they'd track coaches’ avg. bid. more stats!
there'd be a probability of winning from each yard line, so many charts!!!
well, after like 50 years, since there's about 2 overtimes a year.
and if there's a tie - then i guess coinflip b/c at that point it is 50-50
both teams were equally willing to take the ball there
NFLLawDog2: and so always bidding the 1 is the right answer. oh man
i would make so many gentleman's agreements
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: so so many agreements
NFLLawDog2: about bidding the same as the other guy
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: always broken
NFLLawDog2: no matter what
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: agree to take it 90 yards from your goal line
but then you bid 89!
field goal!
NFLLawDog2: bam
NFLLawDog2: There's nothing wrong with the college system - innings
they could make it so that instead of starting from the other team's 25
they start from their own 20
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: yeah, you'd have to make it far enough that the kicker's range is a limited factor
NFLLawDog2: exactly
that they actually still have to drive
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: but so it doesn't take too long
what's fair, 2 first downs to be in range? 3 first downs?
NFLLawDog2: well you can make time a factor
each team has to beat the clock too, 2 minute drills so you start at your own 20 with 2 minutes on the clock and 1 timeout
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: and each team is allowed to bring in 1 player from another team who's on a buy-week
NFLLawDog2: a buy-week
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: but they flip a coin to see who goes first. ouch. bye-week
NFLLawDog2: sure they flip a coin to see who goes first
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: chooses player first
NFLLawDog2: just like in college
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: they have arm wrestling to see who gets ball first or defers
NFLLawDog2: there are two players selected by the league before the game
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: round robin arm wrestling tournament
NFLLawDog2: from bye-week teams
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: all the players are mixed up assigned at random to a tournament
NFLLawDog2: and the coaches make money bids on each of them
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: and the winner player's team decides, not the coach though, that player. and yeah, whichever coach wins the most money can override the players decision
NFLLawDog2: um wait, i think we're mixing procedures here
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: and if the coach does override, then the head official makes the tie-breaking vote depending on which team has his favorite color in their uniforms. and he has to make a list at the beginning of the season of his hierarchy of favorite colors, WHICH CANNOT CHANGE until the next offseason assuming it's not a lockout-shortened season
NFLLawDog2: well OBVIOUSLY cannot change. that's simple checks and balances
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: in which case there's no change until the offseason following the next full 16-game season
NFLLawDog2: now the fans are allowed to choose one "Wild-Card" player a season
which means that in one overtime game per season they can choose any player on any team bye week or no and get to use him for free during said overtime session
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: of course, that has to be counterbalanced with the "unwild card"
NFLLawDog2: right
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: whereas every fans at the beginning of the season vote on 1 player from each team who is to be kept out of any overtime session
NFLLawDog2: right good call. Also IF the fans invoke the WCP
they must cheer for the opposing team for the rest of the game
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: but each fan only gets 4 votes to be distributed however they see fit, so long they're distributed over 4 different teams
NFLLawDog2: that's a good rule
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: it's not a good rule. it's a fair rule.
NFLLawDog2: AND, said player MUST play both offense and defense for the team
and special teams, and is not allowed to rest during timeouts/breaks in the game
he must run in place. the theory being that a tired WCP negates to some extent having a WCP on the field at all
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: well certainly, that's why the WCP vote is so crucial, it's not just talent and explosive play making ability, but stamina and conditioning
and again, the deep placement of the ball prevents the WCP from being kickers with the biggest legs
NFLLawDog2: exactly
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: unless a fan values field goal range so much they'd be willing to put a kicker at left guard for an entire series
NFLLawDog2: exactly
it's a trade-off
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: clearly, the opposing team is allowed to choose who the WCP replaces on both sides of the ball
NFLLawDog2: well, given
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: so it all comes down to the most versatile player
NFLLawDog2: now once the opposing team chooses the players to take off the field
they have the option of taking one of those players for themselves but then the pendulum swings and the original team gets to choose who to take off and gets to choose one of those players for themselves and the pendulum swings again
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: i just caution the opposing team against laughing like pigs when they put a kicker at the other team's qb spot, and then a quick-kick on 3rd and short pins them deep, and of course, there's always the option to play a Harry Potter-inspired chess match instead in which the starting offenses and defenses take the board
NFLLawDog2: oh well obviously
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: and coaches move them like pawns, LITERALLY
NFLLawDog2: but, here's the thing - only certain teams will even spend the money to build the chess board and so that option will only be available in certain places
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: well certainly, your bigger market teams are going to have that option first, and that's just a matter of economics, the more savvy owners should get that kind of competitive advantage. all things being equal, this comes down to the respective owners in a match of wits anyway
NFLLawDog2: precisely
eventually, teams will start building coalitions against one another
you could likely see a vikings-giants coalition versus a packers-cowboys coalition
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: well, what is the nfl if it's not a 32-man game of Monopoly, which allows mergers and acquisitions
NFLLawDog2: i haven't the foggiest
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: precisely. so if each team is starting at the 20 with the above provisions, how could the overtime system possibly be unfair to any team, coach, city, or fan?
NFLLawDog2: it can't. small market teams with the ability to reach across to big market players
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: it's called poltics. reaching across the isle
NFLLawDog2: undoubtedly
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: swinging the pendulum
NFLLawDog2: this is NFLUtopia
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: arching the back
NFLLawDog2: teasing the nips
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: well, i'm glad we got that settled so we can finally see Redskins-Bills Round 2
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: the problem [read: solution] of course will come when one of the teams pulls out the little known loophole that the game can be switched to a different sport at the home team's discretion so that overtime may all of a sudden be Capitals-Sabers Superbowl on Ice Round 1
NFLLawDog2: ooh ouch well again it depends on the venue's amenities
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: that's going to require some coordination between leagues, but this is America we're talking about here. this is doable
NFLLawDog2: are you kidding? America is the home of synergy. one hand helping the other. fat cats being fat cats
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: people helping people. and if there can't be more coordination between professional sports than there is today, then we've got a very real, stark problem facing the future of American athletics. stork problem! we MUST include zoos, specifically aviaries in this to get more animal lovers interested in sports. that's what it all boils down to in the end, catering to the tree-hugging animal-loving Humanists
NFLLawDog2: well, maybe we can give PETA a team. we'll be killing 12 or 13 pigs per football now rather than 1 just to appease the anti-PETAs
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: Exactly! That's just the kind of joke PETA will NOT go for. the very reason we must censor what media gets to the PETA team. PETA will have a team, but knowing those snivelling, conniving, Loki-esque tricksters, we'll see 22 African Lions facing the Detroit Lions on opening day
NFLLawDog2: right ... joke
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: one thing we must make clear in the new overtime rules - there cannot be anti-animal testing rallies during the game
NFLLawDog2: well obviously. PETA fans are like DC. they get to watch, but can't actually participate in the voting process so they don't get a WCP
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: yeah, we don't need 4 "no more animal testing" votes
NFLLawDog2: exactly
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: but it's a tradeoff for their not having any species restrictions on their roster
NFLLawDog2: yeah good point
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: if we could go back in time, Henry Clay wouldn't hesitate to put his stamp of approval on this assuming we could sufficiently explain every aspect of football to him in a timely manner without making so much of an impact that we create an alternate timeline where football is a completely different game and a new overtime system must be created, an overtime system conceived in liberty
NFLLawDog2: god you're right
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: we must be careful
NFLLawDog2: the paradox itself is irony
or maybe the irony itself is paradox
or maybe that neither is both or both is neither is something else altogether
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: that reminds me. the butthole steelers will be changed to the butthole ironers and they'll be the league's laundry service
NFLLawDog2: whew
i thought you meant that our time excursion had negated the existence of carbon-infusion
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: and instead of getting to play on Sundays, they can get bad sunburns and have painful skins all season long. no, this will not affect the Bessemer process in any way
NFLLawDog2: thank goodness
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: certain events are destined to happen, regardless of any outside influences. steel processing was one of those. Philip Rivers flying instead of taking his first step was another
NFLLawDog2: well given
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: another caveat to the new system of course would be that the Redskins, Bills, and Chargers automatically win any overtime game they're in
NFLLawDog2: any GAME they're in, of course
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: if it's head to head between any of the 3, it's a "Let's Make a Deal" contest between the 2 complete with Skin-scared Mandel and creepy blacked-out banker guy
NFLLawDog2: with the third being the banker
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: well obviously, but they should be called the Overseer or Watcher
NFLLawDog2: yeah, the Watchseer
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: the Overcher (pronounced Overture), there'd have to be some sort of Rossini or Copeland theme to the overtime, but all in good fun!
NFLLawDog2: of course
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: in the end, Philip Rivers, the Redskins, and the Bills split every Super Bowl until the end of time. the regular season and playoffs are just formalities to keep the Democrats happy
NFLLawDog2: well of course, you gotta keep those DEMS happy
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: recent research suggests that approximately half of football fans are Democrats. that's almost 50% of the fan base. i for one don't think we should be alienating a near majority of spenders, which is what a fair overtime system comes down to - keeping middle America happy and decreasing the gap between Main St and Wall St
NFLLawDog2: when you're right you're right
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: John Wall St. The traitor. The bastard.
NFLLawDog2: he's a CRIMINAL
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: he'll never EVER see the bright beautiful lights of an NFL overtime extravaganza because he'll be in prison, not winning NCAA championships at NCWOLFPACKU
NFLLawDog2: oh man, the DANCERS dancing away the night
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: oh, the dancers. the entertainers. the gambling!
NFLLawDog2: the GAMBLING! oh it will be so beautiful
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: 50 fans will be chosen at random from each team and sent to Vegas. they'll have exactly the same amount of time as the game lasts to gamble as they see fit and the aggregate winnings of each team will be added to the game's final score
NFLLawDog2: correction WE will be sent to Vegas and given all the moneys the NFL has to gamble as we see fit
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: well, you and i clearly will have to be the Master Watchseer Overcher Gamblers, which will allow us to develop our overtime roulette system
but that's to be kept secret from Goodell
NFLLawDog2: he'll be dealt with soon enough
NFLRulesCommitteeMan1: we must bury it deep within the rules so that no amount of lawyering will uncover it until it's too late! our gambling will be the very spark plug that gets the league's profits soaring just to stay afloat from our massive gambling losses. it's called incentive. something communists will never understand
that's why there's no NFL is Red China, and why North Korea doesn't have any top draft prospects year in and year out
NFLLawDog2: it’s free real estate.
Change. Progress. Hope. You heard it here first.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Joanna Krupa signs with NE Patriots
BOSTON - Following her appearance on ABC's "Superstars," The Boston Globe is reporting that model Joanna Krupa has signed a three(3) year multi-million dollar deal with football's New England Patriots. Though the terms of the contract are not yet disclosed, it is believed that New England head coach Bill Belichick intends to use her as a defensive back, opposite cornerback Shawn Springs as a means to completely shut down Terrell Owens, of the division rival Buffalo Bills.
Though calls to Krupa's agent were not immediately returned, members of the Patriots organization are already excited for her arrival and welcome her with open arms. Said LB Adalius Thomas, "We're absolutely thrilled to have her here. Anytime you bring on such a versatile athlete, you add a whole new dimension to your game."
However, Krupa's transition to pro football will not be without growing pains. "Well, she will have to put in a lot of work to pick up our defensive zones and schemes; and there will certainly be an adjustment to the pro game. But I'm very confident that she will catch on quickly and become an immediate impact player. She's already shown her ability with the way she handled [Terrell] Owens, and he's one of the best. That's why she's here" said Belichick.
Between former Redskin Shawn Springs and Krupa, the Patriots figure to have a potent 1-2 punch vs TO. As fate would have it, Springs and Owens have played in the same division throughout their careers, so Springs knows a thing or two about shutting down the prolific receiver. "We train together every offseason. I've been shutting [Owens] down for years now. Didn't you see it last year when we played in Dallas? I'm built for this. With Joanna added to the mix, I'd be surprised if he caught anything other than an [butt]-whoopin" Springs said.
Only the season can tell what is in store for Owens and the Patriots, but for now the word in Boston is "Anticipation." Check out the video below to see Krupa hone her craft.
-Brandon
PS. Hamptons Roads Bills. We can now embed video. How do you like us now?
Though calls to Krupa's agent were not immediately returned, members of the Patriots organization are already excited for her arrival and welcome her with open arms. Said LB Adalius Thomas, "We're absolutely thrilled to have her here. Anytime you bring on such a versatile athlete, you add a whole new dimension to your game."
However, Krupa's transition to pro football will not be without growing pains. "Well, she will have to put in a lot of work to pick up our defensive zones and schemes; and there will certainly be an adjustment to the pro game. But I'm very confident that she will catch on quickly and become an immediate impact player. She's already shown her ability with the way she handled [Terrell] Owens, and he's one of the best. That's why she's here" said Belichick.
Between former Redskin Shawn Springs and Krupa, the Patriots figure to have a potent 1-2 punch vs TO. As fate would have it, Springs and Owens have played in the same division throughout their careers, so Springs knows a thing or two about shutting down the prolific receiver. "We train together every offseason. I've been shutting [Owens] down for years now. Didn't you see it last year when we played in Dallas? I'm built for this. With Joanna added to the mix, I'd be surprised if he caught anything other than an [butt]-whoopin" Springs said.
Only the season can tell what is in store for Owens and the Patriots, but for now the word in Boston is "Anticipation." Check out the video below to see Krupa hone her craft.
-Brandon
PS. Hamptons Roads Bills. We can now embed video. How do you like us now?
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Jim Zorn: Mayne Event
This is dated from last year but it is absolutely worth a watch: Jim Zorn: Mayne Event
Also, sorry, but I fail at actually posting video here, apparently.
Brandon
Also, sorry, but I fail at actually posting video here, apparently.
Brandon
First(ish) Strike
Hello Loyal GRGGD Reader(s),
I'd like to welcome a new site to the American Football blogosphere. That site is The Hampton Roads Bills
Why is a blog about a team of perennial failures that is always the brides maid and never the bride that nobody cares about getting welcomed by GRGGD you ask? Well, occasional (once) GRGGD guest blogger JP Losman UFL #1!! happens to be himself a Bills fan and has decided to work primarily from The Hampton Roads Bills. And, in the comments of one of their postings, he jammed us up a little bit. We here at GRGGD think a blog is not a blog unless there is a rival blog to occasionally spar with. Since we don't associate with any NFC East fans (due to their inability to form complete sentences), why not form a rivalry with a non-division, non-conference opponent? Also, it's a way to whore out our site to get more traffic. Our philosophy has always been "Strike First, Strike Hard, No Mercy," so without further ado:
Super Bowl XXVI. Jan 26, 1992. Probably glazed over by most Bills fans because it lies in the middle of four(4) consecutive Super Bowl losses. This particular one, however, was completely one-sided. The Ultimates, led by dead ringer for Captain America Mark Rypien, amassed a devastating 37 - 10 lead with 6 minutes left when Coach Gibbs decided to take pity and field a team consisting entirely of sleds, crash test dummies, and tire swings. The Bills managed to get past four(4) Jim Kelly interceptions to score two(2) touchdowns to make the final score 37 - 24. In the post game comments, Coach Gibbs said of Bills Coach Marv Levy, "I felt bad because, he's just a little turd out there. He can't call plays, he can't run a team...he's just a little turd. Also, he has fat elbows. "
You Heard it Here First,
Brandon
I'd like to welcome a new site to the American Football blogosphere. That site is The Hampton Roads Bills
Why is a blog about a team of perennial failures that is always the brides maid and never the bride that nobody cares about getting welcomed by GRGGD you ask? Well, occasional (once) GRGGD guest blogger JP Losman UFL #1!! happens to be himself a Bills fan and has decided to work primarily from The Hampton Roads Bills. And, in the comments of one of their postings, he jammed us up a little bit. We here at GRGGD think a blog is not a blog unless there is a rival blog to occasionally spar with. Since we don't associate with any NFC East fans (due to their inability to form complete sentences), why not form a rivalry with a non-division, non-conference opponent? Also, it's a way to whore out our site to get more traffic. Our philosophy has always been "Strike First, Strike Hard, No Mercy," so without further ado:
Super Bowl XXVI. Jan 26, 1992. Probably glazed over by most Bills fans because it lies in the middle of four(4) consecutive Super Bowl losses. This particular one, however, was completely one-sided. The Ultimates, led by dead ringer for Captain America Mark Rypien, amassed a devastating 37 - 10 lead with 6 minutes left when Coach Gibbs decided to take pity and field a team consisting entirely of sleds, crash test dummies, and tire swings. The Bills managed to get past four(4) Jim Kelly interceptions to score two(2) touchdowns to make the final score 37 - 24. In the post game comments, Coach Gibbs said of Bills Coach Marv Levy, "I felt bad because, he's just a little turd out there. He can't call plays, he can't run a team...he's just a little turd. Also, he has fat elbows. "
You Heard it Here First,
Brandon
Friday, May 8, 2009
The Greatest Current NFL Uniforms
QUITE Honestly, I'd really like to go back through the pages of time and consider everybody in this contest, but that is just way too much of a task for me to undertake. So, without further ado, here are my top five(5) favorite uniforms from the here and now:
#5: Detroit Lions
Ok Ok.. Say what you will about their talent, record, former GM, owner, future, past, present, and 401k plan, but their uniforms are sliiiiiiiick. Light metalic-ish blue and gray are all the rage. Plus, their new logo (not shown) depicts a much more defined lion striking fear into the hearts of all opponents. Seriously.
#4: San Francisco 49ers
Please note, this is not a recent picture. The past few years the 49ers, who are one of the classic teams of my generation, decided they should add some black to their standard "fire engine" red and gold to create a "blood-ish" red and gold. It didn't work. Their new uniforms revert back to the days of yore. Back when Montana was throwing story book passes to Rice and Ronnie Lott was pretty much destroying everything in his line of sight. I love it.
#3: Green Bay Packers
I did not post a picture of Brett Favre for a reason, so don't ask. But anyway, The Packer's jerseys and logo have pretty much not changed at all since the team was created in 1919. I absolutely respect that. Green and gold go great together and the team is steadfast, resolute and vigilant in sticking with their guns. Great job, Pack.
#2: Washington Redskins
Of course the Skins show up on this list. But look at that uniform, how can they not? These are classics, undergoing minimal changes throughout the years. Burgandy and Gold is as American as apple pie as far as I'm concerned. I truthfully (and I'd like to think without bias) think these are among tops in the NFL but...
#1: San Diego Chargers
One caveat: This is only true of the gorgeous powder blue uniforms you see above, not the navy blue ones they mostly wear. All right, I realize that I will get a lot of flack (if anyone ever actually reads this) from Redskins fans for putting these uniforms at #1; but one look at them and you realize they are the truth. I cannot think of their equal. If the Egyptians could have created the pyramids in this color, they would have. They would've been fools not to. Part of me secretly wishes that one day a storied Redskin (think: Darrell Green in status) will spend the one last year of his career with The Chargers so I can have an excuse to buy one of these jerseys. Of course, then I hope said player would jam Reebok by going back to the Redskins before ever playing a down for the Chargers. Reebok has to sell the jerseys at clearance prices. I win.
Cheap Jerseys,
-Brandon
#5: Detroit Lions
Ok Ok.. Say what you will about their talent, record, former GM, owner, future, past, present, and 401k plan, but their uniforms are sliiiiiiiick. Light metalic-ish blue and gray are all the rage. Plus, their new logo (not shown) depicts a much more defined lion striking fear into the hearts of all opponents. Seriously.
#4: San Francisco 49ers
Please note, this is not a recent picture. The past few years the 49ers, who are one of the classic teams of my generation, decided they should add some black to their standard "fire engine" red and gold to create a "blood-ish" red and gold. It didn't work. Their new uniforms revert back to the days of yore. Back when Montana was throwing story book passes to Rice and Ronnie Lott was pretty much destroying everything in his line of sight. I love it.
#3: Green Bay Packers
I did not post a picture of Brett Favre for a reason, so don't ask. But anyway, The Packer's jerseys and logo have pretty much not changed at all since the team was created in 1919. I absolutely respect that. Green and gold go great together and the team is steadfast, resolute and vigilant in sticking with their guns. Great job, Pack.
#2: Washington Redskins
Of course the Skins show up on this list. But look at that uniform, how can they not? These are classics, undergoing minimal changes throughout the years. Burgandy and Gold is as American as apple pie as far as I'm concerned. I truthfully (and I'd like to think without bias) think these are among tops in the NFL but...
#1: San Diego Chargers
One caveat: This is only true of the gorgeous powder blue uniforms you see above, not the navy blue ones they mostly wear. All right, I realize that I will get a lot of flack (if anyone ever actually reads this) from Redskins fans for putting these uniforms at #1; but one look at them and you realize they are the truth. I cannot think of their equal. If the Egyptians could have created the pyramids in this color, they would have. They would've been fools not to. Part of me secretly wishes that one day a storied Redskin (think: Darrell Green in status) will spend the one last year of his career with The Chargers so I can have an excuse to buy one of these jerseys. Of course, then I hope said player would jam Reebok by going back to the Redskins before ever playing a down for the Chargers. Reebok has to sell the jerseys at clearance prices. I win.
Cheap Jerseys,
-Brandon
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Aliens Invade Earth; Aliens Are Redskins Fans
Dear Meadowlands,
Eff U.
Love,
Keanu Reeves, and the Rest of the Aliens from "The Day the Earth Stood Still."
PS. Sorry Jets, but thank you for taking Patrick Ramsey
-Brandon + Guest Blogger Salil
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