True Story

It is 11:30 in the pm.

The Redskins are playing (or maybe just finished playing...I don't know) the Eagles in a Monday Night Game.

I literally just found myself drinking a beer and perusing inspirational quotes on the dot com.

Read that last line again to make sure it sinks in.

Eff You, Redskins.

<3 Brandon

The Official GRGGD 2010 Drinking Game

Rule #1: Every time you wish you weren't a Redskins fan, Drink.

Love,

GRGGD Staff

* Please don't attempt to drive or operate heavy machinery while playing this game

Theodore Haynesworth runs 600 yards...and it's news

As a man of incredible fortitude, power, and agility, I have often run 6, 7, even 800 yards. AT A TIME! But when Dr. Money does it, after only needing a week plus of MRI's, buffets, and pissing all of us off to get ready for it, it's the biggest update of the offseason. Not bad. Not bad at all. Thanks, Vinny.

In other news, for some reason I'm getting my annual optimistic about the Redskins hardon going. McNabb. Larry Johnson. Justin Tryon. Don Beebe. William Tecumseh. The roster's in place. A coach who rode the coattails of John Elway's career to a couple rings. In place. So maybe we'll have a lower draft pick than the Browns next year. Maybe even lower than the Raiders (p.s. Jason Campbell ftw). Playoffs though? PLAYOFFS? Of course, and here's why:

A. Donovan McNabb isn't an eagle any more
B. Donovan McNabb is a Redskin now
C. Donovan McNabb no longer does Chunky Soup commercials.
D. The guy on the right is New York's quarterback, while the man on the left graces my dreams nightly.
E. Roy Williams.
F. Brett Farrrve might play. He might not. Oh crap I don't care. Let's just thank God Peter King covered the World Cup so we had a few weeks of not having to hear he said/she said Favre this coffee this bull-ish. That guy's a really overrated sports writer by the way.

So there's really nothing wrong with having hope for this season. Plenty of things are looking up, even big number 92 at the DQ menu.

Love,
The Dubmachine

Redskins sign Larry Johnson; Woman Gets Spit On in DC Nightclub

*Editors Note: More Up To Date Photo Here or Here.

Not quite content with having just one aging, past his prime running back with a unique ability to alienate teammates, the Redskins signed free agent running back Larry Johnson today to a 3 year deal worth a max of $12 million. Four or five years ago Larry Johnson was one of the best running backs in the league, posting back to back 1700+ yard seasons for the Kansas City Cheifs. Last season, he took a brief hiatus from playing for teams with names that are derogatory to American Indians and played for the Cincinnati Bengals; posting up a respectable 4.4 ypc average. Whether he has anything "left in the tank" or not is yet to be determined, but if new Redskins God-Emperors Mike Shanahan and Bruce Allen like him, then so does GRGGD. As a demonstration of our non-biased media coverage here at GRGGD, we could tell you about Larry Johnson's off the field issues, including publicly questioning his coach, using gay slurs on his twitter account, throwing his girlfriend to the floor, waving a gun at his girlfriend, spitting his drink on a woman, spitting his drink on a woman, and threatening to kill a woman and her boyfriend, but we figure stuff like that is best left to more "reputable" news outlets.

Go Redskins,

Brandon

GRGGD: Super Bowl Especiale

Howdy all of you loyal GRGGD Reader(s)

To start off this evening, we will give you our drinking list for our official "Snowpacolypse Super Bowl Drinking Game 2010." Assume, unless otherwise noted, that you drink just 1 for every rule infraction.

1. Any Reference to Brett Favre (Drink 3)
2. Anytime a girl in your Super Bowl party calls a penalty before the refs do.
3. Hey! There's Kim Kardashian...
4. Anytime a Non-Peyton Manning is referenced or shown on camera (Eli, Archie, Deborah)
5. BOURBON STREET MOTHER F-ERS!!!!!!!!! (read: anytime the blimp shows fans in a city that is NOT Miami...)
6. Non-Sexual Sexual References. Every football game is loaded with these. For example, as I'm typing this (true story), Phil Simms just talked about someone "Pushing back and getting into Manning's area; taking advantage of that opening...HUGE hole."
7. Anytime the commentators mention a SHOOT OUT. (Or other cliched reference (ie. dangerous in space, running downhill ad nauseum...)
8. Any reference to a crime any player has committed.
9. The Coupe de Grace, any time you see a car commercial.
*10. If, for some reason, they actually talk about real estate in Haiti; go get a full beer. Drink all of it. Finish the beer that you were previously drinking. Then, for good measure, take a shot of bourbon. I mean, why would they talk about Haitian real estate? Just because two players in this Super Bowl are from Haiti?

Have Fun, America!

Love,

GRGGD Staff

Redskins v. Chargers: Norv Turner Still Needs Accutane

- Currently, as of kickoff at 4:15pm, the Cleveland Browns have a better record than The Redskins.
- The Cowboys and Eagles are currently playing for the NFC East Title. Who does GRGGD root for in that case? Easy. Go Terrorist Attack!
- We though that might not go over too well, so we decided to root for Another Shady Engineer Hired to Build a Dallas Cowboys Facility that Results in Building Implosion! (Sorry. Too soon?)
- IF we find out that the Redksins don't make the playoffs, GRGGD is officially giving it's support to the Chargers for the duration of the playoffs. So hopefully, no one gets injured (except maybe Norv Turner).
- I love how they are somehow talking about Brett Favre during the REDSKINS CHARGERS game.
- It's a real shame that the Chargers aren't wearing those beautiful powder blue jerseys
- Billy Volek: Yet another 2nd/3rd tier quarterback better than D. Hall
- One quarter down, and Norv Turner still looks like Edward James Olmos
- D Hall just got beat by a receiver who has literally been inactive all season until today. Great job!
- New Blog Name: GoToddYoderGoGoddammit.blogspot.com
- If two spaghettis ran into a house of cards and read A Tale of Two Cities and spoke French, will Jim Zorn keep his job?
- When the Redskins call 911, does the market go up or down?
- After 3 first downs, does Jason Campbell live to tell another tale? Or does he rape a small, old man?
- I think the only thing we could ever learn from a game like this, the Redskins can't pull away from a second string team. Much like a child can't pull away from a slightly stronger child.
-If the game ball were filled with helium and the Redskins were given a 1,000 point advantage at the beginning of every game next season, will Dan Snyder still manage to break your heart?
- If Dan Snyder breaks your heart, does an ex-girlfriend get pregnant? Or does she have a miscarriage?
- If the Redskins were dreams, and you were candy, would you prefer Pixy Stix or stomach ulcers?
- If the 2009 NFL season could be replaced with you getting diabetes or your becoming allergic to gluton, would Ben A. still be an idiot or would the Redskins still be disappointing?
- If Ben checks this blog, will London Fletcher still regret becoming a Redskin?
- If London Fletcher cries, is Judgment Day upon us?
- If Judge Dredd fights NASA - whoever wins, we lose.
- If I fight a cowriter, can this blog become a Chargers blog?
- If I trust myself, will you still kick me in the ass if you have to?
- If you multiply blue by lasagna, do you get crab legs or dysentery?
- If I play Mass Effect 2 and immediately follow it with playing Bioshock 2, will I get bone or get boned?
- When we have to blog during the playoffs and the Redskins are further from the playoffs than the Browns, will God forgive ritual suicide?
- If I empty a High Life into my car's Mr. Fusion and then throw the can in, will I still not need roads?

Love,
I wish we were 100% fans of someone other than the effing Redskins

Redskins v. Giants:

- Does anyone else feel like the Redskins are the only team in the NFL that screen plays work on?
- Yes, it's been a while since we've posted. We've been busy. We have lives. We are professionals. A lot of Redskins news has happened in two months. Expect some posts on those events sometime in the coming year(s).
- After one (1) quarter of play, here is a list of things The Giants have more of than The Redskins have yards:
1. Yards
2. Touchdowns
3. Player Injuries
4. Head Coaches
5. Games Played Today (12/21/09)
6. Women on Active Roster
7. Timeouts Taken
8. Timeouts Remaining
9. Former Players who are currently in prison after shooting themselves in the leg while inside of a night club
- 45 seconds left in the first half, and starting quarterback Jason Campbell goes back to the locker room to X-ray his broken heart.
- One (1) half down and there is just nothing left to say.

Go Redskins, I guess

-Brandon, Walker, TJ, Jesse

Absolutely Fantastic:

Many thanks to The Om Field

-Brandon

Redskins v. Eagles: It's Monday Night

First Half Thoughts:

-The Redskins have set an NFL Record for the number of people named Sherman involved in play calling. Great job guys!
-This unprecedented number of Shermans use their "Sherman Chart" to cast wizardry spells and debuffs on opposing teams
-Yards of Empty Field Surrounding Randle El When He Calls for Fair Catch (YEFSREWHCFFC) Meter:
Punt #1: 10 Yards
Punt #2: 7 Yards...but the closest defender is getting blocked. And Randle El Fell down when he caught it
Punt #3: Well...I guess you can't call for fair catch when the ball hits you in the face
-Andy Reid looks like a man whose main goal in life is to consume as much food as he possibly can in a single sitting
-#50 on the Eagles Defense needed oxygen after intercepting a pass and returning it 9 yards for a touchdown (Go Redskins!). It must be the altitude here at a towering 71 feet above sea level in Landover, MD.
-Devin Thomas: The Poor Man's Brandon Lloyd
-#50 just forced a fumble. Better hook him up to a defibrillator
-Cooley getting carted off of the field is about the absolute worst thing that can happen to this team, short of...well...actually I can't think of anything worse. Short of Vinny Cerrato not getting swine flu?
-Jon Gruden: "Good play selection there!" ---Please, Jon, stop trying to get a job next year
-Well, we're into the 2nd quarter, and the Redskins are at least winning the turnover battle. We've given it away twice, The Eagles none.
-Half time in the Eagles locker room must be less about making in game adjustments and more about Andy Reid eating a buffet table full of food
-Touchdown Devin Thomas! Congrats Devin, you've now been upgraded to The Poor Man's Todd Pinkston
-Score one more turnover for the Redskins! We now are winning the battle 3 - 0.
-Jason Campbell's Amazon Wish List: One(1) Pair of Rick Vaughan Horn-Rimmed Glasses ala "Major League"
-People from the movie "Necessary Roughness" that would help the Redskins right now:
Kathy Ireland - Punter
Manumana - O Line (not necessarily center)
-#50 (note the trend) just fully tackled Betts out of bounds. It was said that there was no foul because he had his hands on Betts while he was in bounds. I guess that's the rule. Good thing he didn't have a shotgun on his person while in bounds. That could have been ugly.
-People from "The Golden Girls" that would help the Redskins right now:
Blanch
Rose
Dorothy
-All three should at the very least provide some new looks for opposing defenses to look at. How about it Dan Snyder?
-27 - 10 at the half. Literally the worst half we've played against the Eagles in 29 years.

Go Redskins,

Brandon, Walker, Jesse, and TJ

Dubious Solution to a Problem: Sherman Lewis to Call Offensive Plays for the Redskins

And heeeerrrreeee come the pretzels.

In a move that surprised absolutely no one, Jim Zorn was "relinquished" of his play calling duties in order to allow him to focus on other aspects of being a head coach such as not wasting time outs and looking beat, broken, and impotent during press conferences.

This is a text book example of how to run a football team and save your season. Get out your pens and paper and get ready to learn.

Problem: Your Head Coach (who until you hired him had never called plays in the NFL) is doing an awful job at calling plays. The offense is failing at every aspect of the game and is among the worst in the NFL.

Solution: Give play calling duties to a 67 year old man who was announcing bingo numbers in a retirement home two(2) weeks ago. He has been retired from football for five(5) years, he's only been with your team for about ten(10) days, and he too has never called offensive plays.

There's your lesson, go enjoy it.

You Heard it Here First,

-Brandon

Redskins v. Chiefs: Post Game Thoughts

Redskins v. Chiefs: Thoughts at Halftime

How to fix the Redskins

Okay, okay. The Redskins are not a good football team right now. In fact, they are a terrible football team. They are like a chipmunk with a disease; they started out kind of cute but with each passing week they wither further and further away so that their fur is splotchy and they don't have the strength to stand up on their own and so they have no way of getting food and then they keep getting weaker and everyone in the forest just starts to feel sorry for them. Yes. The Redskins are exactly like that.

On a quick side note, isn't it adorable when chipmunks store food in their cheeks?

But back to the matter at hand, every level of the organization is in shambles right now. It's Overseer Snyder bringing in an offensive "consultant" (read: future interim head coach) four(4) weeks into the season without asking his head coach about it. It's that very head coach wasting time outs and calling for a hook and ladder as our last ditch effort when we need to go 40 yards and our quarterback can easily throw the ball 65 yards. It's also that head coach losing to a the worst team in the history of the NFL, and having the nerve during his post game press conference to say "We're getting better." At what? Making other teams feel good about themselves? Giving the media someone to make fun of? It's a front office that flat out REFUSES to draft young, able, offensive linemen; so that we'd be better off lining up a turnstile in front of the defense. It's MeAngelo Fall getting stutter stepped and then dragged by Jake Delhomme for a first down. Read that again so that it sinks in. God Damn Jake Delhomme dragged a Redskins defender several yards for a first down today that sealed the game. In regards to the bet with TJ, I don't even want to think about how that effects the score. The "skunk rule" may be starting to apply.

However, GRGGD is not a whining and complaining blog. We offer solutions. We deliver results. We ride the future train straight to the moon and come back with riches and technologies that change lives. I'm not entirely sure what that last sentence means. Either way, here is the one(1) step solution to fix the state of The Redskins:

HIRE PROFESSOR CHARLES XAVIER



I'm thinking a Bill Parcells in Miami kind of role. Doesn't need to be on the field per say. Just needs to be in charge of making the team not an embarrassment. Let's have a quick look of some of his credentials:

1. He's a smart dude. No two ways about it. Professor X is smarter than you, me, and anyone else currently associated with football.
2. He's a proven leader. He started a school for the gifted and leads them on all sorts of green peace type missions. He's a real humanitarian.
3. Oh, right. He can friggin control everyone's thoughts. He can make entire other team believe they are in the girl scouts selling cookies, and that touching the football will give them a VD.
4. He already knows some talent that could declare eligibility in the draft and get picked up on the cheap.

He could also use his mind powers to make our team realize that they are supposed to be good. Also, we all know Daniel Snyder likes to make a splash. It doesn't get much splashier than a level 4 paraplegic mutant with a hover wheel chair. Prof. X is the missing link. He is what separates this team from greatness. Hire him.

Change, hope, progress. You heard it here first.

-Brandon

The GRGGD TJ vs. Brandon DeAngelo Hall/Fall Bet: Week Four(4)

Today is a good day. It is good because The Skins were able to come out with a win, despite Jason Campbell's best efforts. Also, I finally made up some ground in the bet. D Hall came up with a nice interception including some return yardage today. Also, I don't recall seeing anything completed thrown his way. Carlos Rodgers did a good job evening that out by letting everything get by him; but that's a story for another blog.

D Hall gets awarded 1.5 points in my favor, bringing the score for the season 5 - 2.5, TJ. He only gets 1.5, and not 2, because of his ridiculous celebration after his interception. That cost him half a point for style.

the GRGGD TJ vs. Brandon DeAngelo Hall/Fall Bet: Week Three(3)

No need for a lot of introduction on this supposedly regular segment. Let's get right to it:

We took a brief hiatus from the bet posting last week. Here's how week 2 shook out:

D Hall slipped on the perfectly dry, sunbathed field and was beat for the only touchdown scored in the game vs. The Rams.

That brought our betting score to 4-1, in favor of TJ.

Now we are in week three (3). In this particular game, we're going to go with another 1-0 victory in favor, yet again, of TJ. This brings the season total to 5-1. Some may argue that D Hall didn't do anything wrong this game, and there is merit to that. However, TJ wins the point for that same reason. D Hall (slowly transitioning to Me Fall) could have watched that game from the comfort of the couch in his living room and had more of an impact on the game.

Season total: 5-1, TJ. But still lots of season to go. There will be more on the abysmal game today later.

Go Redskins (even still),

Brandon

GUEST BLOG - Bills vs. Patriots In-Game Coverage Extravaganza

Welcome to Part I (maybe of XVI, but let's face it, this will probably be the maiden and last voyage) of the Buffalo Bills Guest Blog In-Game Live Coverage Extravaganza, or BBGBIGLCE as I, an associate of GRGGD, like to call it.

It's almost game time, and by the looks of it, those wagons that caused so many headaches around Gillette Stadium earlier today have moved inside to wreak havoc on America's Team (of Douchebags), the Patriots.

6:31 pm - Someone tell Jon Gruden he's on TV, not sitting on the sideline bench where its OK to sit spread eagle with your junk eying the camera.

6:37 pm - BRB, 40 run

6:50 pm - Tonight's first sign of adversity. 7/11 is out of High Life 40s, so I was forced to get Colt 45s. This can only mean one of three things - 1) Indianapolis is taking New England's place tonight; 2) Colt Brennan has been waived by the Redskins and picked up by the Bills and will start tonight; or 3) Tom Brady's season and career comes to an end because he gets shot.

6:58 pm - Digging the throwbacks. Apparently ESPN can spring for brainiacs Trent Dilfer, Matt Millen and Teddy Bruschi, but can't get the throwback helmets for the set. Nice.

7:10 pm - Hey Schutt, new product idea - Rocket Propelled Shoulder Pads. You can thank Lee Evans, via Jon Gruden. You Heard It Here First.

7:16 pm - It can't be good when your kicker makes the first tackle of the season. Congrats Ryan Lindell.

7:16 pm - When did Herm Edwards become a MNF analyst?

7:30 pm - 2009 Buffalo Bills' Defense mantra - Bend, but don't break.

7:32 pm - Why don't we just get THE Jim Kelly as Offensive Coordinator, instead of his third string backup?

7:40 pm - Skeletor + Steve Carell's 40-Year Old Virgin character = Dick Jauron

7:41 pm - Bills lead 7-0. Why do I get the feeling that this will wind up like the Redskins-Broncos in Super Bowl XXII?

7:51 pm - Season prediction following 1st quarter - Buffalo becomes the first team in NFL history to go undefeated during the regular season AND win the Super Bowl. You Heard It Here First.

7:55 pm - Nice 29-yard punt there, Brian Mormon.

8:08 pm - Poz goes out. I may have to alter my Post-1st Quarter Prediction.

8:23 pm - Atta boy Schobel. Hey Alex, Schobel for TO, try it.

8:35 pm - OK, good first half Buffalo. I think it's safe to say the JP era has relocated to Las Vegas.

8:46 pm - You Heard It Here First - RIP Patrick Swayze.

8:49 pm - I too want to kiss Suzy Kolber.

8:54 pm - Brian "Pin 'Em Deep" Moorman. I spelled it right this time.

9:00 pm - Has any coach ever, EVER, taught Leodis McKelvin how to tackle?

9:09 pm - Welcome to the offense TO.

9:30 pm - Tirico's pissing me off, so here's this via Wikipedia - "In 1992, Mike Tirico was suspended by ESPN for three months for unwelcome advances. In his book ESPN: The Uncensored History, published in 2000, New York Times reporter Michael Freeman reported several instances of sexual harassment by Mike Tirico[1]including attempted groping and sexual solicitation[2]."

Does this mean Tirico made sexual advances at a man? I don't know, but I wouldn't be surprised.

9:32 pm - CUT. MCKELVIN. NOW.

9:45 pm - Fred Jackson - All-21st Century Team

10:23 pm - Stepped outside, finished my second 40, collected myself and was reminded of a conclusion I came to after the loss to the Jets last year. When the Buffalo Bills lose, they lose with a style and flair all their own. At least they've got that going for them.

I'm going to get another Colt 45. Good night.

- Jesse

THIS JUST IN...

You Heard It Here First...WBOO in Boston is reporting heavy traffic congestion caused by wagons near Gillette Stadium in Foxborough, MA, this afternoon. At this time it is unclear what has brought forth such a gathering, a circling if you will, but it is being led by these men and is believed to be related to tonight's NFL contest between the New England Patsies Patriots and Buffalo Bills. Check back with GRGGD or brother-site Hampton Roads Bills for more information as it becomes available.

GRGGD - It's Where Breaking News Happens

-Jesse (Go Bills!)

The GRGGD TJ vs. Brandon DeAngelo Hall/Fall Bet: Week One

Several weeks ago, The Redskins were in training camp. Sometimes, during training camp, the media is allowed in to watch. Sometimes, those media types bring cameras, which they use to capture moving images and sounds of the Redskins, which are then broadcast on TV. Sometimes, those images are of newly signed, 54 million dollar defensive back DeAngelo Hall doing pushups. Sometimes, apparently, those pushups are, for lack of a better term, not on par with what you'd expect from a 25 year old NFL athlete earning 54 million dollars.

It is then that the bet started. Fellow GRGGD contributer TJ was very upset and offended by those pushups. He went on to say that "MeAngelo Fall" is lazy and complacent, and that he will be a complete waste of the team's money and a liability on the field.

Me, being more of a "blind, total, and uncompromising faith in all things Redskins" kind of guy, disagreed. Maybe the cameras started rolling when he was on number 343. Pushups don't relate to pass coverage. That kind of thing.

So a bet was started. For one(1) beer (no need to get wild here), we would keep score of DeAngelo's successes and failures on the football field. There is no standardized scoring system, or anything crazy like that. Just some assigned points at the end of each game.

Let's just say, that after tonight's loss against the New York Football Giants, TJ is being very generous allowing the score to be only 3 - 1 in his favor. I guess when all of the plays one makes are terrible, it's difficult to judge what constitutes another point or not. Even DeAngelo's lone "good play" point; an interception returned for some nice yardage, only happened because he got burned by a rookie receiver and Laron Landry made an impressive play and tipped the ball up.

Here is hoping that DeAngelo can bounce back in week two(2), and put some points on the board for my side. Don't let me down, D Hall. TJ has very expensive taste in beer.

-Brandon

The GRGGD Ultimate Fantasy Team: Part I (of Some Number Greater than I)

Here at GRGGD, our scientists have been working round the clock on a special project. The challenge was put to us (by ourselves) to compile the greatest team ever in the universe of football. As one would imagine, this is actually quite the task. Not only do you have to account for the human greats of past and present, but fictional greats from comic books, movies, myths, and video games are also fair game. However, in order to make this a level playing field (because we hate it when people run downhill or in space), we had to devise a set of rules. Otherwise, you'd just have complete chaos on the field and the safety of onlookers would be compromised. And so begins part one(1) of our multi(> 1) part series. First off: The Rules; categorized by their "common" names. Please note that these rules apply to all players, coaches, trainers etc... of the team as well as the onlookers. Anything less would be cheating. And when you cheat, no one really wins.

Rule 1 (The Silver Surfer Rule): One cannot alter the field, the playing environment, the ball, or other players/coaches. This includes all physical, cosmic, and magic powers.

Rule 2 (The Nightcrawler Rule): A player may teleport horizontally across the field for no more than five(5) yards once per play and under the conditions that he/she is not carrying the ball or another player. Vertical teleportation is not allowed.

Rule 3 (The Superman Rule): A player may not, under any circumstances, take flight on the field. Furthermore, to keep the strong jumpers out there in check, a player's feet may not cross the invisible plane created by the tallest player on the fields head at any time.

Rule 4 (The Hulk Rule): A player may not change his/her physical form once a play starts. In between plays is allowed as long as the player keeps that form for the duration of the next play.

Rule 5 (The Captain America Rule): A player may not, at any time, carry anything that can be used as a projectile or weapon. The only thing to be thrown is the football.

Rule 6 (The Juggernaut/Colossus Rule): A player may wear armor, either self-synthesized or not, as long as a standard NFL Uniform fits over it.


These are not good rules, they are fair rules. And like any good set of rules, they are subject to review, modification, deletion, or addition. Seeing as how there are now five(5) of you reading this blog (we have proof!), feel free to leave your thoughts and rule ideas in the comments section. Part II of this series will be coming sometime in the next dickety-two days.

-Brandon (with Teleconferenced Input, Advice, Counseling, and Ideas from Guest Blogger Salil)

Redskins v. Patriots: Thom Brady and His Struggles with Orakpophobia

Well, it's game time, and as is our custom (occasionally, any way) at GRGGD, we will be posting a collection of thoughts before, during, and after the game.

- Orakpophobia: A Real Disease Affecting Real People.
- Oh look at me. My name's Tom Brady. I have skinny legs.
- When you kick or punt the ball from Fed Ex Field, the ball never hits a TV screen. Never.
- One(1) series into it, and this game looks like it has the makings of GO REDSKINS!
- CANDLE?! It's Campbell. Jason Campbell. Official Prediction: 26 Touchdowns. 14 Ints. 3400 Yards. Completion % = 63. You Heard it here first. (You may have actually heard that here first)
- Malcolm Kelly has the forearms of Lex Luger (it's a stiff arm reference)
- Mr. Referee man: I'm not a football rules expert (read: law dog), but I think that the team in possession of the football is typically the one labeled "offense."
- This just in from Phil Simms: "The quarterback is supposed to throw the ball downfield." Who knew? So does this mean that the team that scores more points than the other team have a good chance of winning the game too?
- Ducat's fireman outfit has a removable axe. That literally enhances the cuteness by at least 4 pts.
- Guy on Patriots: "Oh boy oh boy, I'm going to catch this punt"
Justin Tryon: "I beg to differ, sir. Go Redskins!"
Guy on Patriots Who Recovers Fumble: "Oh SHIT! Mike Sellers is coming after me! Time to flop."
- The Patriots should go back to the Pawtucket Pat, or whatever it was helmet. That thing was much better than the current helmet. It makes the Patriots more likable.
- New Book Idea: "Horton hears a FUCK YOU FRED TAYLOR!!" By Dr. Seuss.
- Dear Phil Simms, Why do only NFC East teams need good tackling safeties?
- We've never seen an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty come from the bench. Wow.
- Santana Moss' Ballin' Ass Catchometer: 2
- Santana Moss' Ballin' Ass Dropometer: 1
- Tom Brady : Samuel L. Jackson :: Andre Carter : That Shark That Ate Samuel L. Jackson in Deep Blue Sea
- Count that, Standardized Testing
- If Marko Mitchell does not make this team, F U Vinny Cerrato. Seriously. That was an amazing downfield block.
- Sebastion Vollmer (#76 OL Patriots) and Jason Campbell (#17 QB Redskins) were apparently separated at birth. (Look at the screen shots)
- Redskins Tied with Patriots (cheaters) at the half. We go to the (a) bar now. More (maybe) when we get back.


-Brandon, Walker, and Jesse