GRGGD: Super Bowl Especiale

Howdy all of you loyal GRGGD Reader(s)

To start off this evening, we will give you our drinking list for our official "Snowpacolypse Super Bowl Drinking Game 2010." Assume, unless otherwise noted, that you drink just 1 for every rule infraction.

1. Any Reference to Brett Favre (Drink 3)
2. Anytime a girl in your Super Bowl party calls a penalty before the refs do.
3. Hey! There's Kim Kardashian...
4. Anytime a Non-Peyton Manning is referenced or shown on camera (Eli, Archie, Deborah)
5. BOURBON STREET MOTHER F-ERS!!!!!!!!! (read: anytime the blimp shows fans in a city that is NOT Miami...)
6. Non-Sexual Sexual References. Every football game is loaded with these. For example, as I'm typing this (true story), Phil Simms just talked about someone "Pushing back and getting into Manning's area; taking advantage of that opening...HUGE hole."
7. Anytime the commentators mention a SHOOT OUT. (Or other cliched reference (ie. dangerous in space, running downhill ad nauseum...)
8. Any reference to a crime any player has committed.
9. The Coupe de Grace, any time you see a car commercial.
*10. If, for some reason, they actually talk about real estate in Haiti; go get a full beer. Drink all of it. Finish the beer that you were previously drinking. Then, for good measure, take a shot of bourbon. I mean, why would they talk about Haitian real estate? Just because two players in this Super Bowl are from Haiti?

Have Fun, America!

Love,

GRGGD Staff

Redskins v. Chargers: Norv Turner Still Needs Accutane

- Currently, as of kickoff at 4:15pm, the Cleveland Browns have a better record than The Redskins.
- The Cowboys and Eagles are currently playing for the NFC East Title. Who does GRGGD root for in that case? Easy. Go Terrorist Attack!
- We though that might not go over too well, so we decided to root for Another Shady Engineer Hired to Build a Dallas Cowboys Facility that Results in Building Implosion! (Sorry. Too soon?)
- IF we find out that the Redksins don't make the playoffs, GRGGD is officially giving it's support to the Chargers for the duration of the playoffs. So hopefully, no one gets injured (except maybe Norv Turner).
- I love how they are somehow talking about Brett Favre during the REDSKINS CHARGERS game.
- It's a real shame that the Chargers aren't wearing those beautiful powder blue jerseys
- Billy Volek: Yet another 2nd/3rd tier quarterback better than D. Hall
- One quarter down, and Norv Turner still looks like Edward James Olmos
- D Hall just got beat by a receiver who has literally been inactive all season until today. Great job!
- New Blog Name: GoToddYoderGoGoddammit.blogspot.com
- If two spaghettis ran into a house of cards and read A Tale of Two Cities and spoke French, will Jim Zorn keep his job?
- When the Redskins call 911, does the market go up or down?
- After 3 first downs, does Jason Campbell live to tell another tale? Or does he rape a small, old man?
- I think the only thing we could ever learn from a game like this, the Redskins can't pull away from a second string team. Much like a child can't pull away from a slightly stronger child.
-If the game ball were filled with helium and the Redskins were given a 1,000 point advantage at the beginning of every game next season, will Dan Snyder still manage to break your heart?
- If Dan Snyder breaks your heart, does an ex-girlfriend get pregnant? Or does she have a miscarriage?
- If the Redskins were dreams, and you were candy, would you prefer Pixy Stix or stomach ulcers?
- If the 2009 NFL season could be replaced with you getting diabetes or your becoming allergic to gluton, would Ben A. still be an idiot or would the Redskins still be disappointing?
- If Ben checks this blog, will London Fletcher still regret becoming a Redskin?
- If London Fletcher cries, is Judgment Day upon us?
- If Judge Dredd fights NASA - whoever wins, we lose.
- If I fight a cowriter, can this blog become a Chargers blog?
- If I trust myself, will you still kick me in the ass if you have to?
- If you multiply blue by lasagna, do you get crab legs or dysentery?
- If I play Mass Effect 2 and immediately follow it with playing Bioshock 2, will I get bone or get boned?
- When we have to blog during the playoffs and the Redskins are further from the playoffs than the Browns, will God forgive ritual suicide?
- If I empty a High Life into my car's Mr. Fusion and then throw the can in, will I still not need roads?

Love,
I wish we were 100% fans of someone other than the effing Redskins

Redskins v. Giants:

- Does anyone else feel like the Redskins are the only team in the NFL that screen plays work on?
- Yes, it's been a while since we've posted. We've been busy. We have lives. We are professionals. A lot of Redskins news has happened in two months. Expect some posts on those events sometime in the coming year(s).
- After one (1) quarter of play, here is a list of things The Giants have more of than The Redskins have yards:
1. Yards
2. Touchdowns
3. Player Injuries
4. Head Coaches
5. Games Played Today (12/21/09)
6. Women on Active Roster
7. Timeouts Taken
8. Timeouts Remaining
9. Former Players who are currently in prison after shooting themselves in the leg while inside of a night club
- 45 seconds left in the first half, and starting quarterback Jason Campbell goes back to the locker room to X-ray his broken heart.
- One (1) half down and there is just nothing left to say.

Go Redskins, I guess

-Brandon, Walker, TJ, Jesse

Absolutely Fantastic:

Many thanks to The Om Field

-Brandon

Redskins v. Eagles: It's Monday Night

First Half Thoughts:

-The Redskins have set an NFL Record for the number of people named Sherman involved in play calling. Great job guys!
-This unprecedented number of Shermans use their "Sherman Chart" to cast wizardry spells and debuffs on opposing teams
-Yards of Empty Field Surrounding Randle El When He Calls for Fair Catch (YEFSREWHCFFC) Meter:
Punt #1: 10 Yards
Punt #2: 7 Yards...but the closest defender is getting blocked. And Randle El Fell down when he caught it
Punt #3: Well...I guess you can't call for fair catch when the ball hits you in the face
-Andy Reid looks like a man whose main goal in life is to consume as much food as he possibly can in a single sitting
-#50 on the Eagles Defense needed oxygen after intercepting a pass and returning it 9 yards for a touchdown (Go Redskins!). It must be the altitude here at a towering 71 feet above sea level in Landover, MD.
-Devin Thomas: The Poor Man's Brandon Lloyd
-#50 just forced a fumble. Better hook him up to a defibrillator
-Cooley getting carted off of the field is about the absolute worst thing that can happen to this team, short of...well...actually I can't think of anything worse. Short of Vinny Cerrato not getting swine flu?
-Jon Gruden: "Good play selection there!" ---Please, Jon, stop trying to get a job next year
-Well, we're into the 2nd quarter, and the Redskins are at least winning the turnover battle. We've given it away twice, The Eagles none.
-Half time in the Eagles locker room must be less about making in game adjustments and more about Andy Reid eating a buffet table full of food
-Touchdown Devin Thomas! Congrats Devin, you've now been upgraded to The Poor Man's Todd Pinkston
-Score one more turnover for the Redskins! We now are winning the battle 3 - 0.
-Jason Campbell's Amazon Wish List: One(1) Pair of Rick Vaughan Horn-Rimmed Glasses ala "Major League"
-People from the movie "Necessary Roughness" that would help the Redskins right now:
Kathy Ireland - Punter
Manumana - O Line (not necessarily center)
-#50 (note the trend) just fully tackled Betts out of bounds. It was said that there was no foul because he had his hands on Betts while he was in bounds. I guess that's the rule. Good thing he didn't have a shotgun on his person while in bounds. That could have been ugly.
-People from "The Golden Girls" that would help the Redskins right now:
Blanch
Rose
Dorothy
-All three should at the very least provide some new looks for opposing defenses to look at. How about it Dan Snyder?
-27 - 10 at the half. Literally the worst half we've played against the Eagles in 29 years.

Go Redskins,

Brandon, Walker, Jesse, and TJ

Dubious Solution to a Problem: Sherman Lewis to Call Offensive Plays for the Redskins

And heeeerrrreeee come the pretzels.

In a move that surprised absolutely no one, Jim Zorn was "relinquished" of his play calling duties in order to allow him to focus on other aspects of being a head coach such as not wasting time outs and looking beat, broken, and impotent during press conferences.

This is a text book example of how to run a football team and save your season. Get out your pens and paper and get ready to learn.

Problem: Your Head Coach (who until you hired him had never called plays in the NFL) is doing an awful job at calling plays. The offense is failing at every aspect of the game and is among the worst in the NFL.

Solution: Give play calling duties to a 67 year old man who was announcing bingo numbers in a retirement home two(2) weeks ago. He has been retired from football for five(5) years, he's only been with your team for about ten(10) days, and he too has never called offensive plays.

There's your lesson, go enjoy it.

You Heard it Here First,

-Brandon

Redskins v. Chiefs: Post Game Thoughts