True Story

It is 11:30 in the pm.

The Redskins are playing (or maybe just finished playing...I don't know) the Eagles in a Monday Night Game.

I literally just found myself drinking a beer and perusing inspirational quotes on the dot com.

Read that last line again to make sure it sinks in.

Eff You, Redskins.

<3 Brandon

The Official GRGGD 2010 Drinking Game

Rule #1: Every time you wish you weren't a Redskins fan, Drink.

Love,

GRGGD Staff

* Please don't attempt to drive or operate heavy machinery while playing this game

Theodore Haynesworth runs 600 yards...and it's news

As a man of incredible fortitude, power, and agility, I have often run 6, 7, even 800 yards. AT A TIME! But when Dr. Money does it, after only needing a week plus of MRI's, buffets, and pissing all of us off to get ready for it, it's the biggest update of the offseason. Not bad. Not bad at all. Thanks, Vinny.

In other news, for some reason I'm getting my annual optimistic about the Redskins hardon going. McNabb. Larry Johnson. Justin Tryon. Don Beebe. William Tecumseh. The roster's in place. A coach who rode the coattails of John Elway's career to a couple rings. In place. So maybe we'll have a lower draft pick than the Browns next year. Maybe even lower than the Raiders (p.s. Jason Campbell ftw). Playoffs though? PLAYOFFS? Of course, and here's why:

A. Donovan McNabb isn't an eagle any more
B. Donovan McNabb is a Redskin now
C. Donovan McNabb no longer does Chunky Soup commercials.
D. The guy on the right is New York's quarterback, while the man on the left graces my dreams nightly.
E. Roy Williams.
F. Brett Farrrve might play. He might not. Oh crap I don't care. Let's just thank God Peter King covered the World Cup so we had a few weeks of not having to hear he said/she said Favre this coffee this bull-ish. That guy's a really overrated sports writer by the way.

So there's really nothing wrong with having hope for this season. Plenty of things are looking up, even big number 92 at the DQ menu.

Love,
The Dubmachine

Redskins sign Larry Johnson; Woman Gets Spit On in DC Nightclub

*Editors Note: More Up To Date Photo Here or Here.

Not quite content with having just one aging, past his prime running back with a unique ability to alienate teammates, the Redskins signed free agent running back Larry Johnson today to a 3 year deal worth a max of $12 million. Four or five years ago Larry Johnson was one of the best running backs in the league, posting back to back 1700+ yard seasons for the Kansas City Cheifs. Last season, he took a brief hiatus from playing for teams with names that are derogatory to American Indians and played for the Cincinnati Bengals; posting up a respectable 4.4 ypc average. Whether he has anything "left in the tank" or not is yet to be determined, but if new Redskins God-Emperors Mike Shanahan and Bruce Allen like him, then so does GRGGD. As a demonstration of our non-biased media coverage here at GRGGD, we could tell you about Larry Johnson's off the field issues, including publicly questioning his coach, using gay slurs on his twitter account, throwing his girlfriend to the floor, waving a gun at his girlfriend, spitting his drink on a woman, spitting his drink on a woman, and threatening to kill a woman and her boyfriend, but we figure stuff like that is best left to more "reputable" news outlets.

Go Redskins,

Brandon

GRGGD: Super Bowl Especiale

Howdy all of you loyal GRGGD Reader(s)

To start off this evening, we will give you our drinking list for our official "Snowpacolypse Super Bowl Drinking Game 2010." Assume, unless otherwise noted, that you drink just 1 for every rule infraction.

1. Any Reference to Brett Favre (Drink 3)
2. Anytime a girl in your Super Bowl party calls a penalty before the refs do.
3. Hey! There's Kim Kardashian...
4. Anytime a Non-Peyton Manning is referenced or shown on camera (Eli, Archie, Deborah)
5. BOURBON STREET MOTHER F-ERS!!!!!!!!! (read: anytime the blimp shows fans in a city that is NOT Miami...)
6. Non-Sexual Sexual References. Every football game is loaded with these. For example, as I'm typing this (true story), Phil Simms just talked about someone "Pushing back and getting into Manning's area; taking advantage of that opening...HUGE hole."
7. Anytime the commentators mention a SHOOT OUT. (Or other cliched reference (ie. dangerous in space, running downhill ad nauseum...)
8. Any reference to a crime any player has committed.
9. The Coupe de Grace, any time you see a car commercial.
*10. If, for some reason, they actually talk about real estate in Haiti; go get a full beer. Drink all of it. Finish the beer that you were previously drinking. Then, for good measure, take a shot of bourbon. I mean, why would they talk about Haitian real estate? Just because two players in this Super Bowl are from Haiti?

Have Fun, America!

Love,

GRGGD Staff

Redskins v. Chargers: Norv Turner Still Needs Accutane

- Currently, as of kickoff at 4:15pm, the Cleveland Browns have a better record than The Redskins.
- The Cowboys and Eagles are currently playing for the NFC East Title. Who does GRGGD root for in that case? Easy. Go Terrorist Attack!
- We though that might not go over too well, so we decided to root for Another Shady Engineer Hired to Build a Dallas Cowboys Facility that Results in Building Implosion! (Sorry. Too soon?)
- IF we find out that the Redksins don't make the playoffs, GRGGD is officially giving it's support to the Chargers for the duration of the playoffs. So hopefully, no one gets injured (except maybe Norv Turner).
- I love how they are somehow talking about Brett Favre during the REDSKINS CHARGERS game.
- It's a real shame that the Chargers aren't wearing those beautiful powder blue jerseys
- Billy Volek: Yet another 2nd/3rd tier quarterback better than D. Hall
- One quarter down, and Norv Turner still looks like Edward James Olmos
- D Hall just got beat by a receiver who has literally been inactive all season until today. Great job!
- New Blog Name: GoToddYoderGoGoddammit.blogspot.com
- If two spaghettis ran into a house of cards and read A Tale of Two Cities and spoke French, will Jim Zorn keep his job?
- When the Redskins call 911, does the market go up or down?
- After 3 first downs, does Jason Campbell live to tell another tale? Or does he rape a small, old man?
- I think the only thing we could ever learn from a game like this, the Redskins can't pull away from a second string team. Much like a child can't pull away from a slightly stronger child.
-If the game ball were filled with helium and the Redskins were given a 1,000 point advantage at the beginning of every game next season, will Dan Snyder still manage to break your heart?
- If Dan Snyder breaks your heart, does an ex-girlfriend get pregnant? Or does she have a miscarriage?
- If the Redskins were dreams, and you were candy, would you prefer Pixy Stix or stomach ulcers?
- If the 2009 NFL season could be replaced with you getting diabetes or your becoming allergic to gluton, would Ben A. still be an idiot or would the Redskins still be disappointing?
- If Ben checks this blog, will London Fletcher still regret becoming a Redskin?
- If London Fletcher cries, is Judgment Day upon us?
- If Judge Dredd fights NASA - whoever wins, we lose.
- If I fight a cowriter, can this blog become a Chargers blog?
- If I trust myself, will you still kick me in the ass if you have to?
- If you multiply blue by lasagna, do you get crab legs or dysentery?
- If I play Mass Effect 2 and immediately follow it with playing Bioshock 2, will I get bone or get boned?
- When we have to blog during the playoffs and the Redskins are further from the playoffs than the Browns, will God forgive ritual suicide?
- If I empty a High Life into my car's Mr. Fusion and then throw the can in, will I still not need roads?

Love,
I wish we were 100% fans of someone other than the effing Redskins

Redskins v. Giants:

- Does anyone else feel like the Redskins are the only team in the NFL that screen plays work on?
- Yes, it's been a while since we've posted. We've been busy. We have lives. We are professionals. A lot of Redskins news has happened in two months. Expect some posts on those events sometime in the coming year(s).
- After one (1) quarter of play, here is a list of things The Giants have more of than The Redskins have yards:
1. Yards
2. Touchdowns
3. Player Injuries
4. Head Coaches
5. Games Played Today (12/21/09)
6. Women on Active Roster
7. Timeouts Taken
8. Timeouts Remaining
9. Former Players who are currently in prison after shooting themselves in the leg while inside of a night club
- 45 seconds left in the first half, and starting quarterback Jason Campbell goes back to the locker room to X-ray his broken heart.
- One (1) half down and there is just nothing left to say.

Go Redskins, I guess

-Brandon, Walker, TJ, Jesse